


Hoodwing'd

by somehowunbroken



Series: Hoodwing'd [1]
Category: DCU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 10:36:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somehowunbroken/pseuds/somehowunbroken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick and Jason seem to think it's hilarious to make out where Tim and Damian are going to walk in on them. Naturally, Tim and Damian take revenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hoodwing'd

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't from a specific canon or timeline. I'm assuming it's a hazy future in which everyone lives, and it's definitely at a point where everyone is of age.

"Oh, for the love of-"

Jason pulls away from Dick's mouth, and the slurping sound is so obscene that he has to be doing it on purpose. Dick makes a face, wiping his lips with an exaggerated motion, and Jason smirks as he turns his head. "Oh, hey there, baby bird. Y'know, this whole 'walking in on us' thing you've got going on is getting a little out of hand."

"Right," Tim shoots back. "I must have this gut instinct for where you'll be…" He trails off, waving his hand at where Jason has Dick pressed against the wall of the club they're supposed to be staking out. "My night just doesn't feel complete unless I find you two in a compromising situation."

Jason shakes his head and sighs loudly. "You need new hobbies. This one is creepy."

"Hood," Tim begins, but Dick shifts and slips away from Jason before reaching out for Tim.

"I'm sorry," Dick says. He sounds entirely too sincere, which is a dead giveaway that he's covering something up. "I know it makes you uncomfortable to see-"

"It makes me _uncomfortable_ that the two of you would rather make out in an alley than do your jobs," Tim snaps. "Or is this some new surveillance technique that I just haven't been briefed on yet?"

Jason reaches into a pocket, drawing out the USB drive that Tim is here to collect. "Nobody says that work has to be a drag, Red Robin. We got what we came for, so we decided to celebrate." He tilts his head to the side and smirks again. "Wait, sorry, I was lying. I'm pretty sure that 'no fun' is an actual rule in the Big Bat Book of-"

Tim sighs and tunes Jason out, but there's not really much he can do. He's here to pick up the USB drive so he can take it back to base for analysis. If the information pans out, it could be key in taking down a ring of smugglers that have set up near Cape Carmine. He grabs it from Jason's hand and tucks it into one of the pockets on his bandoliers before turning to go.

"Get a room," he says over his shoulder as he fires his grapple. "If nothing else, Nightwing, your hair is getting gross from being up against that wall."

He can hear Dick make a wounded noise as he swings away, followed by Jason muttering something.

Tim grins. Mission accomplished, or something.

-0-

Tim is reasonably sure that it had actually started as a series of really embarrassing accidents.

He'd known that Jason and Dick were moving towards a decidedly more hands-on kind of relationship, and apparently things had switched from off to on while they were patrolling. All Tim knows for sure is that he'd landed at the planned rendezvous point a little over a month ago, and he'd gotten a lot more of an eyeful than he'd bargained for.

It's happened six more times since then, and Tim is sure that at least half of those were actual accidents. Jason is apparently handsy and not very particular about location, and Dick tends to frequent places that Tim also frequents, so it isn't really a huge leap in logic to assume that he'd just happened across them.

The first few times, anyway.

Tim really tries not to use his field skills on his family, because that way lies becoming Bruce, but there are times when it really is necessary. Given what he knows about Dick and about Jason, their general personalities and schedules and patrol routes, and given the amount of times he's found them doing things he'd rather not think about versus times when they'd been perfectly decent… well. It's statistically improbable that they're not fucking with him, and Tim has the charts to prove it.

He leans back in his chair and frowns at his computer, wondering what he can actually do with the information. Sure, he knows that they're doing it to get a rise out of him, but it doesn't change the fact that each time Tim walks in on Dick and Jason together, it's less and less something he wants the mental images for. He shudders as the memory of the night before last pops into his head; Dick's suit had been peeled down, and Jason had been sucking a really obvious mark onto Dick's collarbone. The fact that Tim can still see the mark when Dick is wearing his workout clothing isn't making it any better.

Something has to be done. Tim just needs to figure out what it should be.

-0-

There's a startled yelp from the hallway, and Damian appears a moment later, cheeks burning. Tim raises his eyebrow, but Damian presses his lips together and shakes his head.

"Alfred has cocoa," Tim says, nodding towards the kitchen. "There's nothing in the den so bad that cocoa can't help."

Damian walks into the kitchen without a word, and Tim frowns after him. It's not that they're close, but the years have softened the edges between them, and Damian very rarely lets an opportunity to bitch about something pass him by.

Damian returns with a mug of cocoa and three cookies, which makes Tim's eyebrow climb. He sits beside Tim and holds out a cookie silently.

"Damian," Tim says cautiously, taking the cookie and setting it on his own saucer.

"I don't think the cocoa will be enough," Damian mutters. He very pointedly doesn't look towards the hallway. "The cookies will help, but even so."

Tim frowns. "Dick was going to put in some terrible movie," he says, looking at the door to the den. If he leans forward, he'll be able to see the sofa from his seat-

Damian grabs his shoulder and yanks him back sharply. "You don't want to see it, either," he hisses, eyes darting down the hall. His cheeks flush again, and it clicks in Tim's head.

"Jason," he guesses, and Damian shudders and nods. Tim makes a face. "There's not even a door to the den."

Damian shudders again. "Remind me to get a new sofa. Father won't ask as long as it's a close match."

"Is this the first time you've seen them… doing things?" Tim asks. He might need to adjust his charts for the new data.

"No," Damian says, looking away again. He picks up a cookie and dunks it into his cocoa before stuffing it into his mouth in what is clearly a bid for time to get his blush under control. He swallows eventually and continues. "Each time it happens, they're more… with their hands. And the sounds."

"Yeah, they're escalating," Tim mutters, narrowing his eyes as he imagines the spreadsheet he'd created to track encounters. He'll need a column for Damian, and he's starting to wonder if he should track for Alfred and Bruce, too. "We need to do something before they start doing it on the kitchen table."

Damian picks up his saucer quickly, and his remaining cookie wobbles and slides off the side. It lands squarely on the table, and Tim finds himself starting at it along with Damian for a long moment.

"I'm sure Alfred has more," he finally says, and Damian nods vigorously.

-0-

Tim has four open cases at the moment. He's been focusing on the Cape Carmine Crew and their gun smuggling operation, but the information that he'd gotten from Dick and Jason's stakeout last week had let him know that there won't be anything noteworthy happening in that case for another two weeks. He can put it on the back burner until then, which is good, because he really needs to do some legwork on the laundering scheme being run out of the old Adams building downtown-

"-oh, oh, _oh_ -"

Tim freezes at the bottom of the stairs into the Cave, unable to keep himself from looking over at the training mats. Dick is on his back with his feet planted, knees spread, and Jason is kneeling between them, rocking down against Dick. As Tim stares in horror, Dick pushes his hand into Jason's hair and pulls him into an astoundingly wet-sounding kiss.

"I'm telling Alfred what you're doing down here," Tim says loudly, turning on his heel and trying not to run at full speed up the stairs. Dick and Jason's laughter follows him up into the house.

Tim closes the clock with as much of a bang as he dares before shutting his eyes and doing his best to clear the image out of his head. He'll be lucky to get out of this without actually walking in on the two of them having sex, and that's an experience that would scar anyone.

"Drake? Is everything okay? What's down there?"

Tim looks up as Damian walks into the den, a slight frown on his face. He heads for the clock, but Tim throws his hand out and shakes his head. Damian makes a face as he steps back.

"We need to do something," Tim mutters, covering his face with his hand. "I'm scarred enough already. I don't need to see them doing anything else."

"We need a plan," Damian agrees. "Perhaps we should show them something as horrifying as what they've been showing us."

Tim lets his hand drop as he turns to look at Damian. "Oh my God, that's absolutely perfect."

Damian's eyes narrow. "What is?"

"Damian," Tim asks, smile spreading slowly across his face, "how's your acting?"

-0-

"That doesn't look casual," Damian says, scowling at Tim's pants. They're hanging halfway off of the end of Dick and Jason's bed, the waist dragging on the floor and the legs sitting across the end of the quilt.

"It's not supposed to be casual," Tim reminds Damian, tossing Damian's shirt on the floor. "It's supposed to look like they got thrown there in the heat of the moment."

Damian sighs. "You're sure this is going to work?"

"I don't have any other ideas," Tim admits. "I'm hoping the whole 'give them a taste of their own medicine' approach works."

"I-" Damian begins before narrowing his eyes. "It's too late to change our minds now. They're coming."

"Quick," Tim hisses, pulling the sheets back. "Get in!"

Damian slides beneath the sheets and Tim follows, bracing himself over Damian and tugging the sheets back into place just as the door opens. Tim throws his head back and starts moving, settling onto his knees and rocking his upper body beneath the sheets.

"Oh," Tim gasps, grabbing Damian's hand and lacing their fingers together. He pushes until their hands are on the pillow above Damian's head. "Damian, oh God, just like that."

Damian shifts and pulls the sheets up a little higher as he brings his other hand from beneath the sheets. He runs his fingers up Tim's back and cups his neck, playing with Tim's hair. "You are perfection, Timothy."

Tim bites his lip to keep from laughing as Damian tugs his head down. Damian's lips brush his ear and Tim shivers, looking through the fall of his hair towards the door. Dick and Jason are standing stock-still, twin looks of horror on their faces. Tim leans down a little farther and murmurs into Damian's ear. "So far, so good. They're buying it."

"Good," Damian replies, pressing a kiss just below Tim's ear. "I'm going to flip us over. Keep track of the blankets."

"Got it," Tim replies, and a moment later he's on his back with Damian smirking down at him. Tim does his best to keep the sheets up as he wraps his legs around Damian's waist.

Damian groans and leans in again, and Tim pushes his hands into Damian's hair. "Oh, Timothy…"

Apparently that's the proverbial last straw, because there's a high-pitched noise of distress from the doorway. Tim and Damian look over in tandem as if they're just noticing their company. Dick has a hand over his eyes, and he's tugging Jason back towards the hallway. Tim has to bite the inside of his cheek as Dick whines. "Oh my God, oh my God, what?"

"Oh," Damian gasps, rocking harshly twice more before holding himself completely still. He collapses against Tim a few seconds later, and Tim starts petting Damian's hair.

"Jay," Dick whimpers from just outside the door, "we have to _burn the mattress_."

Tim feels Damian breathing raggedly against his neck, and figures they have about fifteen seconds before Damian starts laughing aloud. He turns his face towards the doorway, willing himself to blush as he looks at Jason. "Um, can you guys give us a minute?"

"Uh," Jason blinks, "I – yeah. A minute." He steps all the way out into the hallway and slams the door behind him.

Damian barely waits for the door to close all the way before starting to laugh. He rolls off of Tim and onto his side, muffling his laughter in the pillow beneath his face.

"I told you it was a good plan," Tim says with a smirk, climbing out of the bed and rearranging his boxers before collecting his clothing. "Come on, get dressed. We have to follow through."

"The look on Grayson's face," Damian says gleefully, grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head. "This may be the greatest victory either of us has ever had."

"It's entirely possible," Tim agrees, pulling the sheets from one corner of the bed and yanking until he can gather them all into his arms. "We'll have to keep up the touchy-feely for a few days, but I don't think it's too early to call this a smashing success."

Damian nods and takes a deep breath, letting the smile slip off his face. He pulls some of the sheets from Tim's bundle and shoves them under his arm before taking Tim's hand. "Shall we?"

"Oh yeah," Tim says, grinning. "Let's do this."

Damian opens the door and steps out, tugging Tim behind him. Dick and Jason are on the other side of the hallway, holding a frantic-looking whispered conversation. They both freeze when Tim clears his throat.

"Uh," Tim says, shrugging. "We stripped the bed for you. Um."

"What the fuck?" Jason yelps, flinging his hand towards the room. "Were you two seriously just – the _two of you_ – in our bed?"

Damian scoffs. "Perhaps if the two of _you_ managed to restrain your activities to your bedroom, I wouldn't have felt the need to talk Timothy into christening your bed for you."

Tim manages to disguise his sudden urge to laugh as a cough, but it's a near thing. "Damian," he mock-protests, tugging on their joined hands.

"It's true," Damian mutters, squeezing Tim's hand before dropping it. He takes the rest of the sheets from Tim's arms and barely hesitates before leaning in to brush a kiss against Tim's lips. "I'll bring fresh linens."

"Okay," Tim replies, watching Damian head down the hallway. As soon as he rounds the corner, Tim turns back to Dick and Jason. "I'm… that got a little out of hand. I'm sorry."

"Out of hand," Dick repeats dazedly.

Tim shifts, feigning discomfort. "Well, yeah. I suggested that he and I, you know, mess around in there a little. You guys set us up to walk in on you all the time, so…"

"He convinced you to keep going," Jason says when Tim stops. "And you didn't see anything weird about fucking in our bed?"

"Not after how many times I've seen the two of you doing things in public places," Tim shoots back. "Look, can we call a cease-fire? I promise that we won't do anything in your room if you guys stop purposely doing things where he and I are going to walk in on you."

"It's a deal," Dick says immediately. "Jason?"

"You are an evil mastermind," Jason says, narrowing his eyes at Tim. "You planned that whole thing, didn't you?"

Tim smiles innocently. "That would be telling, Jason. Do we have a deal or not?"

"Deal," Jason says. "I'm not shaking on it until you've had a shower, though. Maybe two showers."

"That can be arranged," Damian says, walking back up the hallway with a fresh set of sheets. He dumps them in Dick's arms before walking back to Tim and taking his hand again. "I hear a shower is in order?"

Tim smirks up at Damian. "Jason thinks we need two showers."

"Two showers," Damian muses, leading Tim down the hallway. "Does that mean I'm free to make the first one… somewhat less than cleansing?"

Tim manages not to burst into laughter until they've walked into his bedroom and shut the door. Damian joins in a moment later.

The sound of Dick and Jason's horrified conversation in the hallway is louder than both of them combined.

**Author's Note:**

> [This has been translated into Russian by keisy20 (кейси20)](http://ficbook.net/readfic/3073961). Thank you so much!


End file.
